Flea!

When I was little, like in kindergarten, we used to do this paddy cake thing that went like this:
"Flea!"
"Flea fly!"
"Flea fly flo!"
"Vista!"
"Koomala, koomala, koomala vista, oh no no no not the vista."
"Eenie meanie ex-a-meanie, oo-a, oo-a a-meanie, ex-a-meanie solomeanie, oo-a, oo-a."
"Beep billy oboe bo bo belinda...ssssh."

I am reminded of this because this was something we sang in the car a lot, my best friend Christy Banducci and I, when we were five, and it was all nonsense but we didn't care.

Well, I was left thinking of this the other day when a co-worker tried to make a case for two words she wanted to leave in a document I'm editing.
She interviewed this guy and he used the words "courtive," (as in "They are really courtive in the business right now," and "co-optetive" (which, according to my boss is a hybrid "word" of cooperation and competition and is only a word in the sense that it is commonly used. How common? I worked in hi-tech for eight years and never heard the term used and in surveying my friends, none of them has heard it either, but apparently, it's out there). I was like, "Um, WHAT?" I looked the words up in a couple of online dictionaries and wasn't surprised when I didn't find them.
Unfortunately, my boss made me leave the "words" in the document and I thought that was the end of the that. But then the researcher came in and wanted to know which words I'd taken issue with and when I told her, she proceeded to tell me that they are words. Apparently, in her world, not unlike the world our President lives in, if you just say a word incorrectly often enough, it earns itself a place in our collective vocabulary. It becomes legit. I explained that just because there is a book with the title, "Co-optition," that doesn't make it an actual word. Like nucular. Or irregardless or orientate. Just because a bunch of morons cannot make the effort to use the appropriate word, that doesn't mean we all have to live with Courtive. Anyway, my colleague launched into a bitchy tirade which ended with, "The English language is open to interpretation, it's evolving. You are not the Gatekeeper."
Oh, damn! I had no idea I was not personally responsible for the upkeep of our language.
Whatever will I do now? I'm without a calling.

Now our document will go out to the client and maybe someone will read it and think, “Ha! Courtive! What a great word! I’m going to try to incorporate this gem into my vocabulary.”

People, just promise me that if you hear some jackass using Courtive or Co-optition you won’t blame me for it. I fought the good fight, truly I did. I just lost. Please believe me when I say I’m sorry. I’m so courtively sorry.